When I was younger, my father used to call me “baby”. Being the youngest in the family, I know how it was like being the center of attention. I always get what I wanted without much effort and sweat. I grew up being spoiled. I know that I was like that even before, but it didn’t made me somekind of bratty. I was never a BRAT. It used to make me feel superior over my other siblings, because whenever we argue or fought over something, I was confident that my parents will take side on me. That’s why I had always believed that I have the power to take control over everybody.
For years, I tried my best to be the perfect daughter to my parents. I excelled academically during primary school. But it was one unfateful day during 6th grade that I realized how transparent and boring my life is. I don’t want to be the person whom my parents wants me to be. With all the pressures and all the expectations they’re expecting from me, I knew I was close to losing my sanity. I was so sure that time that I am going to regret the path I was going through. That’s why when we took up the final entrance examination in one of the most prestigious high school in the country, I flanked the exam. I never reviewed for the last test. Iwas thinking that If I got in to that school, I will never find myself in the midst of my teenage years. I will be busy pleasing my parents, maintaining my grades, and fooling myself even more. I believed that If I’ll go to a different school, I will be free form all the pressures and craziness of being in a serious school.
I was enjoying every moment that I was free, free from all the things thats making me insane. But It came to a point where all those feelings of being out in the open that I realized, I was actually being pathetic, unreasonable, stubborn and hard on myself. I realized I was throwing away the dream of a parent to their child. Then it hit me, “This isn’t the thing a perfect daughter is doing”. The Last minute of the results, I was wishing I would still pass the examination. But sadly, I didn’t. I saw the Frustration and the disappointment in their eyes. For the first time in my life, I hated myself for being the worst person I became. For being so hard on myself. I felt bad for being that bad.
After the realization. I promised myself that I will never be that person again.
But As I entered high school, I broke free to the naive child that I was. I became more spontaneous and the happy-go-lucky type of person. I got in to different organizations and met so many friends. I was enjoying my high school life to the extent that I was not aware anymore of how my actions will affect my main reason for studying → to prevent a major potential disappointment to my parents. But I can’t get enough. The more I tried to put myself in the pedestal, the more I was losing it. I know I can’t be the person who I’m supposed to be. I just went with the flow. Flow of my emotions and my spontaneities. I never made it to the list of outstanding or special awardee students during graduation. The last year in high school was a struggle for almost everyone, but for me and my friends it was the time of our lives to enjoy the remaining days of high school life.
After Graduating from High School, I was actually undecided for college. I don’t know what I will be taking up. Or what course bests suits me. I was thinking of going to an Art and Sciences School, But my parents, especially my father wants me to go to a Nursing school. I took up the Entrance tests in different Universities and out of 5,I got in to 4. I never passed on my first choice that was UP. My average was below cut-off. So I went to a Nursing College and then settled to what my parents wanted me to take up.
During the first year of my BS in Nursing, My father died of cancer. Coping up with the loss was the most hardest thing I’ve ever done. I can’t let go of the thought that we will never be able to see him again alive. I’ve had dreamt of him many times already. Breathing, talking, smiling and laughing. I still can’t believe he’s gone. :(
I changed school after his loss. We had to. I have to. I failed a major subject and I lost track of time because I was so busy with my own miseries. After I got in to another school, I started from the beginning. A freshmen, again. All those money and time spent were wasted during the last school year.
And As I moved on with this new chapter of my Life, I have to take this seriously. I Thank God I met someone whom I can share my incompleteness, my thoughts, my complaints about this world and the people around it, my happy, sad, painful memories, the unending laughters, smiles, talks and sweet moments. And lastly, cares for me like my father did. A person who never fails to put a smile on my face and makes me proud of who I am despite the fact that my life is unperfect. Thank you. My unperfect life will never be perfect without my family, friends and you. :)
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Just Chilling....
I answered this instead of doing my homework. lolx..
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
- From a burn. lolx..
2. WHAT’S ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
- Pictures of me, my family and friends.. :]
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
- 1 4got the unit of my nokia..A moto razr and sony ericsson ( i also 4got the unit) lolx..
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
- mostly acoustic, slow rock, alternative, rnb and jazz. :]
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
- Nah..
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
- to become a millionaire.. haha!
7. WHO DO YOU MISS?
- my papa.. ;[
8. WHAT IS/ARE YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION/S?
- Hmmm...i think my piano. :]
9. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
- Aries. definitely a blazing fire woman! :]
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
- nope.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
- Yes! I always sleep with the little amount of light coming from my night lamp, well.. unless someone is with me in the room.
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
- myself..:]
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
- Ralph lauren cool.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
-HAIR: black, brown..( no blondies please..:] and no die colors) EYES: brown,gray,black.
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
- ANYWHERE. Hmm…But I’m thinking of…hmmm…under a starry sky in the beach or anywhere romantic..with my favorite music playing. haha!
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
- coffee! :]
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
- onion, meat, pepperoni,ham, bacon.. I love pizzas!
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
- PIZZA! siopao- bola bola! yum..=D
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
- My sister, i think? haha..=D
20. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED AT THIS VERY HOUR?
- Hunny! :] haha..oiii
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
- from whom? a boy? Hmm, when i was in grade 2 .. it was our manito-manita.. a barbie doll!
22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
- yes definitely!
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
- Nope.
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
- Hmm…tomato,gap,MNG,kasheica,bayo.
25. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR?
- mercedes benz SLR mclaren..haha!
26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
-yeah!
27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
- a 3 year-old labrador retriever named xander- the superdog! :]
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
- If it’s worth it I guess. There’s no harm in trying :]
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
- Hmm.. saying it in person. Looking directly in his eyes and giving him a big hug and sweet kiss. :]
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
- 8
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
- Brunettes
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
- hahaha.. Hunny’s #. :]
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
- plastics. CHIZMOSOS and CHIZMOSAS.. ehihi^^
34. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW?
- to the place where my loved-one is.
35. YOUR WEAKNESS?
- food! specially chocolates, pizzas, pastas, the fishball,kikiam,tempura,kwek-kwek,fettucini ni ate! haha….
36.FIRST GUY WHO MADE YOU CRY?
- I can't remeber anymore..ehihihi..:]
37. FIRST JOB?
- i don’t think i ever had one.. Hmm, babysit my nephew i guess? :]
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
- yes! when i was younger.
39. MOST STUPID THING YOU’VE EVER DONE LATELY?
- Taking my Biology exam without reading the instructions! I was supposed to get 98/100! but sadly, because i was sooo..CONFIDENT! lolx.. I got only 50 out of 100! I failed.. haha..
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
- Hmmm..LIPO! haha…i want the “CURVES” to be in the right places. haha..
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
- Cause i think it’s a nice survey.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
- MY EYES! and figure! lolx..eeeeerrr :]
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
- I dont really care. I dont drink that much anyway. I can live without alcohol :]
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
- iphone.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
- 4…2 boys and 2 girls.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
- yes! hahaha..secret.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
- Yep :] I think it’s fun.
48. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS MORNING?
- Go to my classes..
49. WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT?
- apple..
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
- yes definitely!
51. WHAT COUNTRY DO YOU LIVE IN?
- PHILIPPINES!
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
- internet freak, too muck talking. :]
53. WHAT IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING MUSIC YOU’VE EVER HEARD?
- Uhm, april boy regino’s - di ko kayang tanggapin! and manny pacmans - para sa’yo! lolx.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
- Most Defff! :]
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
- Yes!
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
- In someway. YES and No.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
- by eating!
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
- school.
59. EVER BEEN DRUNK?
- Nope.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
- Barbies! Dollhouses, plastic kitchen utensils and tamia! lolx..
61. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
- Someone that could connect with me and understands me fully.
62. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
- famae. ruffz, fafa, ruffa!
63. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
- very rocky road, coffee crumble, pistachio nuts.
64. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S)?
- Blue, pink, lavender, green and white
65. WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
- talking for hours with someone. :]
66. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
- 2.
67. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
- If they want to.
68. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
- none at the moment.. =p
69. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
- water
70. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
- EYES! the way he looks at me..nyahehehe… Face. :]
Hmmm…I guess that’s just it.. HAHA! i enjoyed it!..weee.. :]
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
- From a burn. lolx..
2. WHAT’S ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
- Pictures of me, my family and friends.. :]
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
- 1 4got the unit of my nokia..A moto razr and sony ericsson ( i also 4got the unit) lolx..
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
- mostly acoustic, slow rock, alternative, rnb and jazz. :]
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
- Nah..
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
- to become a millionaire.. haha!
7. WHO DO YOU MISS?
- my papa.. ;[
8. WHAT IS/ARE YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION/S?
- Hmmm...i think my piano. :]
9. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
- Aries. definitely a blazing fire woman! :]
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
- nope.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
- Yes! I always sleep with the little amount of light coming from my night lamp, well.. unless someone is with me in the room.
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
- myself..:]
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
- Ralph lauren cool.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
-HAIR: black, brown..( no blondies please..:] and no die colors) EYES: brown,gray,black.
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
- ANYWHERE. Hmm…But I’m thinking of…hmmm…under a starry sky in the beach or anywhere romantic..with my favorite music playing. haha!
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
- coffee! :]
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
- onion, meat, pepperoni,ham, bacon.. I love pizzas!
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
- PIZZA! siopao- bola bola! yum..=D
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
- My sister, i think? haha..=D
20. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED AT THIS VERY HOUR?
- Hunny! :] haha..oiii
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
- from whom? a boy? Hmm, when i was in grade 2 .. it was our manito-manita.. a barbie doll!
22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
- yes definitely!
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
- Nope.
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
- Hmm…tomato,gap,MNG,kasheica,bayo.
25. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR?
- mercedes benz SLR mclaren..haha!
26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
-yeah!
27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
- a 3 year-old labrador retriever named xander- the superdog! :]
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
- If it’s worth it I guess. There’s no harm in trying :]
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
- Hmm.. saying it in person. Looking directly in his eyes and giving him a big hug and sweet kiss. :]
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
- 8
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
- Brunettes
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
- hahaha.. Hunny’s #. :]
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
- plastics. CHIZMOSOS and CHIZMOSAS.. ehihi^^
34. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW?
- to the place where my loved-one is.
35. YOUR WEAKNESS?
- food! specially chocolates, pizzas, pastas, the fishball,kikiam,tempura,kwek-kwek,fettucini ni ate! haha….
36.FIRST GUY WHO MADE YOU CRY?
- I can't remeber anymore..ehihihi..:]
37. FIRST JOB?
- i don’t think i ever had one.. Hmm, babysit my nephew i guess? :]
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
- yes! when i was younger.
39. MOST STUPID THING YOU’VE EVER DONE LATELY?
- Taking my Biology exam without reading the instructions! I was supposed to get 98/100! but sadly, because i was sooo..CONFIDENT! lolx.. I got only 50 out of 100! I failed.. haha..
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
- Hmmm..LIPO! haha…i want the “CURVES” to be in the right places. haha..
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
- Cause i think it’s a nice survey.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
- MY EYES! and figure! lolx..eeeeerrr :]
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
- I dont really care. I dont drink that much anyway. I can live without alcohol :]
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
- iphone.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
- 4…2 boys and 2 girls.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
- yes! hahaha..secret.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
- Yep :] I think it’s fun.
48. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS MORNING?
- Go to my classes..
49. WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT?
- apple..
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
- yes definitely!
51. WHAT COUNTRY DO YOU LIVE IN?
- PHILIPPINES!
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
- internet freak, too muck talking. :]
53. WHAT IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING MUSIC YOU’VE EVER HEARD?
- Uhm, april boy regino’s - di ko kayang tanggapin! and manny pacmans - para sa’yo! lolx.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
- Most Defff! :]
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
- Yes!
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
- In someway. YES and No.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
- by eating!
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
- school.
59. EVER BEEN DRUNK?
- Nope.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
- Barbies! Dollhouses, plastic kitchen utensils and tamia! lolx..
61. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
- Someone that could connect with me and understands me fully.
62. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
- famae. ruffz, fafa, ruffa!
63. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
- very rocky road, coffee crumble, pistachio nuts.
64. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S)?
- Blue, pink, lavender, green and white
65. WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
- talking for hours with someone. :]
66. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
- 2.
67. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
- If they want to.
68. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
- none at the moment.. =p
69. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
- water
70. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
- EYES! the way he looks at me..nyahehehe… Face. :]
Hmmm…I guess that’s just it.. HAHA! i enjoyed it!..weee.. :]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
